Don't Criticize by Steve Anderson

According to research by John Gottman, in the happiest marriages there are roughly four compliments to every criticism. I don’t think many of us can say that we treat our spouses that well. Also, my Uncle Dick used to tell me that it takes 100 engineers and 1000 skilled laborers to build a building and an idiot to tear it down.

It takes no courage to criticize someone else. It takes leadership to build other people up. I realize that sometimes it is necessary to criticize others, but we should be very cautious as to whether or not to do it and how to say it. For example, after the Battle of Gettysburg, General Meade had the opportunity to crush the Rebel army and end the war two years before it actually ended. Lincoln was very upset with Meade about his decision not to pursue the Army of Virginia, so he wrote a letter criticizing Meade. How do you think Meade reacted when he received this letter? We’ll never know, because that letter was found in Lincoln’s desk drawer two years later after he had been assassinated.

I would bet that Lincoln sat down and put himself in Meade’s shoes before he mailed the letter. Lincoln knew that there were 50,000 casualties at the three-day Battle of Gettysburg. Many of those men had died in hand to hand combat. He probably reasoned that it would have been inhumane for Meade to ask his men to pursue the Southern Army under such circumstances.

So the next time you are upset with someone else, stop and think before you act. Follow Lincoln’s example. Put yourself in the other person’s shoes before you criticize, and then act accordingly.