Why can’t I overdraw my emotional bank account?

Unlike a bank account our emotional bank accounts cannot be overdrawn. Yet, so many of us try to do just that. We’re on the go so much of the time that, eventually, our batteries run down. Then instead of taking the time to recharge our batteries we wonder why we don’t have any energy. We think we should have an endless reservoir of energy to draw on like we did when we were kids.

Obviously, overdrawing our emotional bank accounts does not work, so what’s the remedy? How do we recharge ourselves and still meet all of our obligations? Well, I am in the middle of such an episode, so I’ll share with you how I got here and what I am doing about it. I have just gone through an incredibly busy eight month period. It ended in early January when we completed our move into our new office. I was proud of what I had accomplished, but totally spent emotionally.

What to do? Generally, I have several steps to take in order to restore my balance when I get out of whack like I did recently. Hopefully, they will prove useful to you:

1) Tell everyone you care about that you feel drained. Tell them that until you get the wind back in your sails you may feel somewhat disengaged compared to your normal self. This lets them know not to take your behavior personally and it lets you conserve your emotional energy without hurting other people’s feelings.

2) Look at your calendar. Get everything off of it that isn’t essential.

3) Put things on your calendar that are designed only to put a smile on your face. For example, I called a friend in California earlier this month. I spent $240 on a round trip plane ticket, and went out to see him for three days. It was wonderful! Great to see my friend and great to relax in the sun for a few days.

4) Take time to be quiet every day. This can really be relaxing.

5) Exercise daily, even if it’s just a walk.

It may seem to you like the above steps are a luxury you cannot afford. But think about this. When an airliner loses pressurization, passengers are instructed to place the oxygen mask on themselves before assisting anyone else. Are you getting enough oxygen?

What would we do without technology? by M.J. Clark

Thinking back, I marvel at how I went through the dating process without a cell phone, how my parents kept track of my whereabouts without text messaging, how I hooked up socially with friends without Twitter. Now, I become extremely uncomfortable when I forget my Blackberry at home. I feel I can barely function throughout a work day without it. I often e-mail people instead of calling, so not having my cell phone takes away an important communication tool.

How reliant are we on technology? Is it really helpful to us as business people, or is it more of a crutch? Do we hide behind technology instead of facing people? I often wonder if this age of technology contributes to our lack of assertiveness, a skill so very necessary for business leaders. What do you think?

Does New Technology Help or Hurt? by M.J. Clark

In today’s Technology Age, I find that there is much more responsibility involved in communication. We have many more communication channels to check – voicemail, e-mail, text messages, social media sites, blogs, etc. Because people can reach you almost immediately, they in turn expect immediate responses. They also expect some level of skill in all of these communication channels. You can’t be too blunt on e-mail and you have to be professional on social media sites, for instance.

It takes time for some people to develop these skills. Responding to all of these communication avenues and developing skills that were not needed previously takes time in our day – time that used to be spent simply working.

Some of the executives I’m currently coaching are challenged in these areas. They are under scrutiny for the way in which they communicate via these new channels. How can we expect people to just know how to communicate in these new ways? There are no manuals to teach us these skills, and each person seems to approach it somewhat differently. This leads me to wonder if all of these grownup toys really help us or do more damage to us professionally. What do you think?

Leaving a Legacy

I read some years ago that the happiest people say that they are working on leaving a legacy. Ever since I read that I have wanted ILS to have a foundation that would outlive me. I am happy to report that as of today we have a foundation. We gave a gift of $10,000 to the Columbus Foundation. We will have our own foundation within the Columbus Foundation that will be focused on giving to three areas:

1) To promote world peace
2) To protect the environment, and
3) To help the needy

I want to thank all of our clients who have allowed us to create this foundation by doing business with us. I want you to know that every year we plan to give 5% of our profits to this foundation. We will then dispense 1/2 of that amount. That way the amount in the foundation will continue to grow and help people long after we stop giving.

I can tell you that writing that check yesterday was one of the happiest moments I have ever had. Maybe that research on happiness was right; helping others feels good!

Being vs. Appearance by M.J. Clark

In the book The Shack by William Paul Young, there is a passage I find very instructive. It says: “It is quite simple really. Being always transcends appearance – that which only seems to be. Once you begin to know the being behind the very pretty or very ugly face, as determined by your bias, the surface appearances fade away until they simply no longer matter.”

How many times do we, as leaders, allow appearances to get in the way? Are we role models to each person on our team, or do we choose favorites? If we interviewed potential employees with a blindfold over our eyes, would we choose the same people? If you have a story to share of a time when you let appearances get in the way of your leadership, I encourage you to share it.

Don't Criticize by Steve Anderson

According to research by John Gottman, in the happiest marriages there are roughly four compliments to every criticism. I don’t think many of us can say that we treat our spouses that well. Also, my Uncle Dick used to tell me that it takes 100 engineers and 1000 skilled laborers to build a building and an idiot to tear it down.

It takes no courage to criticize someone else. It takes leadership to build other people up. I realize that sometimes it is necessary to criticize others, but we should be very cautious as to whether or not to do it and how to say it. For example, after the Battle of Gettysburg, General Meade had the opportunity to crush the Rebel army and end the war two years before it actually ended. Lincoln was very upset with Meade about his decision not to pursue the Army of Virginia, so he wrote a letter criticizing Meade. How do you think Meade reacted when he received this letter? We’ll never know, because that letter was found in Lincoln’s desk drawer two years later after he had been assassinated.

I would bet that Lincoln sat down and put himself in Meade’s shoes before he mailed the letter. Lincoln knew that there were 50,000 casualties at the three-day Battle of Gettysburg. Many of those men had died in hand to hand combat. He probably reasoned that it would have been inhumane for Meade to ask his men to pursue the Southern Army under such circumstances.

So the next time you are upset with someone else, stop and think before you act. Follow Lincoln’s example. Put yourself in the other person’s shoes before you criticize, and then act accordingly.

How old are you? by Steve Anderson

In tough times like these it helps to laugh. I can remember one time I was reading my daughter, Molly, a story in bed. She was a really cuddly kid. As we lay there on her bed, I got all choked up because I felt so lucky to be her father. After I gathered myself, I said, "Molly, one day when you grow up and move away I'm really going to miss these times."

She paused for a moment and said, "Oh, don't worry Dad." I thought that the next thing that she was going to say was that she would come home and visit me after she moved away, so I said, "Why?" And she said in the sweetest voice you can imagine, "You'll be dead!" I died laughing.